To Die For

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“Girl, why the hell are you even there? You’re going to regret it tomorrow.” Michelle pleaded with her friend not to visit her ex. Vanessa sat and listened out of respect, but after spending the day getting waxed, and at the nail shop getting dolled up, there was no way Tray wasn’t going to get her pussy. She instantly regretted calling her friend as she sat outside his house smoking her blunt and getting lectured.

“All y’all gone do is argue Ness, you know that.” Michelle had the genuine concern in her voice as she attempted to sway her friend. Little did she know, her friend was halfway out the car.

“I’ll be good Shell,” she started as she prepared to hang up. “I just wanted you to know where I was, love you.”

Vanessa hung up before she got a response and powered her phone off. She took a deep breath as she exited the car and made her way to the door. When she reached her destination, the door was slightly open and she let herself in. The aroma of vanilla quickly enticed her and made her gently close her eyes. She looked around and admired the cozy decor. Her heart began to pound uncontrollably as she watched her ex walk toward her wearing all black. Tray grinned and exposed a perfect set of teeth, the bottom outlined with gold.

“Wassup beautiful,” He grinned at Vanessa. She kept a poker face as she nodded her head to acknowledge his presence. He looked her up and down and was hardly impressed by her plain look. “You couldn’t get dressed up to see a nigga? See, that’s why we ain’t together now,” he chuckled trying to make a joke. Vanessa fumed with anger but tried to keep her cool. She kicked her tennis shoes off to expose her perfect pedicure and removed her oversized hoodie. When he saw her plump figure, he instantly grew hard. She removed her hat and exposed a head full of perfect hair that cascade down her back. “You always talking shit.” She said as she applied lipgloss to add a final touch. She knew she how to get his attention but hate that he always had to complain.

“See, you should have shown up like this and I wouldn’t have to tell you.” Tray walked away and made his way to the bedroom.

She followed while him closely as she knew the routine.

The two of them had a terrible breakup. The only thing that kept them connected was the sex. She was always frustrated with his selfish, OCD habits, and he couldn’t appreciate her free-spirited ways. She tossed her purse on a chair and he quickly turned around, “No, you need to hang that up here.” He quickly pointed toward a hook near his door.

“LOOK!” she exclaimed, “Don’t be telling me what to do ok, I’m here for one thing, and it ain’t getting bossed around.” Her hand was on her hip as she chewed the young man out. The two stared blankly as they realized they shared a mutual hatred. She was disgusted as she looked at his face and he was tempted to ask her to leave.

She had to keep her cool though so she could accomplish her goal. The two of them had the best sex when they were angry. She knew that by making him lose his temper, he would be sure to dick her down the way she needed.

“I don’t trust your stupid ass, I’ll keep my purse right near me until I’m ready to go!” She snarled as she snatched her purse from the chair and felt knots in her stomach. She had already made her mind up about coming over so there was no point in turning back now. She pulled a shot of tequila out of her purse and knocked it back quickly.

“You don’t have another one?” Tray grinned wanting to get faded too. Nessa always showed up with drink and a blunt just to keep the peace and to keep her mind straight. Tray was a needy man. He never really had shit in life but the good dick. Now that he had his own place, he thought he was God’s gift.

“You still asking for shit?” She grinned genuinely, seeing how thirsty he was for her liquor. She grabbed another shot from her purse and tossed it his way without warning him.

“Oh you petty I see,” he laughed as he cracked open his small bottle. Nessa grabbed a lighter from his nightstand and lit a blunt she had tucked in her bra. “That’s a good girl ” he mumbled as he saw her retrieve the marijuana.

Nessa slowly walked toward him as she undressed piece by piece. She didn’t have the best body, but her face alone was enough to make a man come. She poked out her juicy lips and let her long hair fall against her face. As she got closer, Tray could smell her perfume and it made his dick grow hard. “Crawl to me,” he demanded as he watched her kneel down and make her way towards him.

Tray missed fucking Nessa. She did everything he told her to without asking twice. She was a perfect woman to him and he knew he didn’t deserve her. She allowed him to treat her as he pleased, so he didn’t see an issue with his actions.

“That’s my bitch,” he said as he exhaled the smoke and watched her seduce him.

“I’m not a bitch,” she said with a straight face.
She continued her show as Tray was unfazed by her words.

Just don’t panic,” she thought to herself as she tried not to lose her cool.
She hit the blunt again and tried to get her head right so she could enjoy what she was about to receive.

“Get your pretty ass up,” he demanded as she was inches from him on all fours. Tray hadn’t been fucked the right way in weeks and he knew Nessa would get it done for him. She obliged and stood straight up exposing her nude body. She pushed him back on the bed and went to work.

Tray was in heaven. He placed his hands behind his head and reminisced about being in love with Nessa as she began to take his dick into her mouth. The moisture of her lips made him grow harder by the second.

“Fuck, I missed you girl” Tray moaned as he reached over to ash the blunt. He pressed play on his phone and let the music ooze through his Beats Pill.

When Nessa heard the voice of Kendrick Lamar, it eased her tension and slowly helped her get in the mood.

“Mm, you know what I like huh?” She lifted her head to ask in a sensual tone. He had a playlist of her favorite songs waiting so she wouldn’t have an attitude like usual. “Daddy got you” he answered as the music continued to play.

Nessa continued her duties kissing and sucking all over Tray’s thick piece of meat. She made his entire body lift off the bed just from her fellatio.

“Lemme feel that pussy baby…please please,” Tray began to beg as he felt his climax coming. He yanked her head from his lap and pulled her onto the bed with him.

“Ride it good too. ” Tray demanded as he positioned her on top of his lap.

“I got you.” Nessa was no amateur when it came to pleasing Tray. He was the best sex she ever had. She remembered how lovely things were when they had sex while they were in love. They went from friends to lovers to enemies to I just need you to pleasure me.

She slid onto him and worked her hip muscles exactly how he liked it. She sucked on her polished fingers and used them to trace little circles along his bare chest. She watched his face cringe in ecstasy as she hit every spot he liked and rode him like a champ.
The two couldn’t keep their hands off each other as they continued to make love as if nothing changed between them. She bounced on her toes while he squeezed her plump thighs. The aroma of the sweat and the weed created an aphrodisiac that caused the two to become lost in each other’s auras.

Tray grabbed Nessa by the throat to change positions. He mounted himself behind her and shoved his rock hard dick into her moist pussy. He could hear her juices as he moved in and out slowly. “Baby you take dick so good!” he moaned. Nessa tried to hold her composure and not climax too soon. She noticed a picture on his headboard and immediately blew a gasket.

“Oh, she doesn’t know how to take it? That’s why you call me ?” She said referring to his fiancée in the photograph.

When Tray and Nessa split up, what he didn’t tell her was that for the last year of their relationship not only was he cheating, but he had a baby on her as well. Nessa being the boss she was found a way to get over it but could care less about being disrespectful to anyone, especially a once side bitch. She still loved his dick, so when he called, she wanted to get her climax the same way the side bitch always answered when he called.

“Come on man don’t start!” Tray’s motions slowed as he reached over to place the picture flat down.

“Come on baby, keep going for daddy please,” Tray knew how to get her. Her eyes were filled with tears as she dreaded the decision she made to come see the man she once loved so much. To know she still craved a person who had humiliated her and broke her heart made her know she was sick. She was already there and couldn’t change it now. She continued to fuck him back like there was no tomorrow.

“Fuck baby I miss this pussy, this shit so good baby I’m so sorry.” Tray yelled out as she threw it back on him. His heart was broken when he had to leave Nessa and be with the woman he got pregnant. He knew he was wrong but he had no choice but to man up. “Tell me you still love me please Nessa!” Tray pleaded as he gripped her hips and continued to tear at her flesh.

“Tray, Tray, ” Nessa continued to chant as she felt him about to climax.

“You love me Tray?” She asked as she felt her orgasm approaching. Her body began to shake and she knew there was no turning back.

“Hell yea baby. I love you !” Tray yelled out as he felt himself shiver uncontrollably as all his juices exited from his body. He plopped his body down on Nessa as he felt all his energy escape.

“Fuck !” He whispered as he realized the mess he had gotten himself in. He noticed Nessa’s eyes were red and he knew she was hurt.

“So what you got planned for the rest of the night ?” Tray asked trying to give her the hint that she needed to go.

“Oh, you kick me out now? After you just loved me a second ago? ” Nessa started as she began to climb from under his limp body. She grabbed her clothes and slowly put them on as she locked eyes with Tray.

“Don’t do this ma, you know what it is ” Tray mentioned as he lay on his bed still butt naked.

“What is it Tray? ” Nessa quizzed.

“Fuck man, we not together! I made a mistake, ok? I had to be a man and fix it. I’ll always have love for you but I have a family I have to provide for Nessa. I can’t keep fighting with you forever, I have to do what I gotta do.” Tray spoke with his eyes still closed. He was always worn out after sex with Nessa and didn’t have the energy to open his eyes.he was also nervous to see the look of heartbreak on her face.

“Fuck You Tray. Fuck you!” She yelled as tears fell from her eyes. She watched him reach back on his headboard to adjust the picture he laid flat.

“I’m sorry you feel like that. But you know the deal baby girl.”

Nessa knew at that second that she would regret coming to see him for the rest of her life, but she didn’t care. She knew why she came.

Tears fell from her eyes as she went to grab her purse so she could leave.

“I’ll call you another time ma, why you gotta ruin what we have? We didn’t work as a couple but we make good love. Don’t force shit just let it be.” Tray said honestly as he peeled himself from the bed.

She heard the words as she noticed him walking to the bathroom from the hall mirror. She grabbed her purse and walked back in the room to say goodbye.

“Tray, I love you. ” he looked up and his eyes grew wide as he was staring down the barrel of a silver .22 she had clenched in her hands.

“What the fu…” his sentence was cut short when Nessa pulled the trigger and hit him right between his eyes. She watched the man she once loved, cherished and worship fall to his death at her own hands.

She gently kissed his dead body and walked out of his house like nothing happened.

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The thirst.

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This side bitch is back. Sorry, it took so long, it took a while for me to be able to get some more paper. This crazy ass bunkie of mine got all of our shit taken when this bitch had a mental breakdown. I promise jail isn’t for everyone. I knew this shit was going to be hard. I should have thought about it before I did what I did, but I can’t say I regret it. I must still sound crazy, but you have to understand, Malik has a tendency to do these things. I’m telling you, I saw him get a bitch to blow $2,000 on him after fucking her once. One time she got the devil dick and blew 2,000 dollars worth of school clothes and Chuck E Cheese trips. Wait, I take that back, he fucked her once and she got the pleasure of sucking his dick once.

I really miss that. It may sound crazy, but giving Malik head would make any woman climax. First of all, his dick is perfect.  It’s always clean, long, hard and ready. I mean, it is truly too good to be true. That must be the problem. It can’t be that good without something awful following it. Every time we fucked, I would go through his phone once he fell asleep to see where his head was, how he was talking to other women and stuff. I just had to make sure I stay on top of things. Where was I? Oh yes, anytime a woman agreed to give him head, it made him feel good. He appreciated a woman who was willing to suck his dick. He made receiving head the best foreplay for a woman and we weren’t even receiving it.

I remember the first time I tried to give him head, he made me beg him to let me do it . He literally made me whine until tears welled up in my eyes. “Leek, please baby, I know I’m gonna do it right, I promise I’ll be a big girl,” I can remember myself moaning and fussing like a brat.  He made sure my mouth was nice and wet. He kept kissing me and would spit dribbles of saliva into my mouth. He made me get on all fours and poke my ass out too. He said I had to keep it wet for him. I can remember choking when I first tried to go down on it. He shoved my head down with no remorse until I coughed. Still, he wouldn’t let up. He slowly moved my neck while he called me beautiful; No one could talk to you like Malik could. He could make anyone blush in less than three sentences. When he demanded me to look at him, I orgasmed at the sight of his dimples.  I remember feeling the moisture drip down my legs while I was working my throat muscles. He made me fit the balls inside with his whole dick, which was nearly impossible. I just wanted to be a good girl for him, though. He got so happy when I listened. I could see the instant gratitude to hear his lady say yes to him. I was his lady. Well, for the time being. I can recall one night I sucked his dick so good, he started pulling my ponytail trying to get me to stop. I mean who tells someone to stop giving good head? I remember he kicked over his lamp trying to get away from me once. I loved every second of it. Every time he called my name, my mouth, and pussy both got wetter. I had to stop and fuck myself just to keep from literally swallowing his entire dick. When I lifted my face up, his whole lap was soaking wet like he just spilled a cup of water. See, that’s the night he fell in love with me. I know it is. There wasn’t another bitch who could do that to him. Not even that goody too shoes bitch Dayna knew how to suck her man’s dick. She had the nerve to send him a video of herself giving him some head. That shit was so weak. I found it when I put him to sleep one night after giving him the real deal. I can’t believe I didn’t get the chance to expose her weak ass yet. That stuck up bitch is going to be sick when the world sees her sucking dick like an amateur. I mean who only sucks their man’s dick for two minutes? What a boring ass bitch. That’s why he always had me in his life. That prude ass bitch couldn’t have kept him happy forever. She was too busy using her mouth to complain, she let another woman suck her man into falling out of love. I can’t believe I had to shoot him,  but it’s all part of the plan. I know that I have to make sacrifices in order to be with him.  I know Malik will understand I did this for us.  My baby deserves to have both parents just like everyone. Dayna wants to have a baby with her high school sweetheart but not with Malik. How can you deny a man his family? This is why Malik loved me more and just used that bitch. Oh fuck, these cramps are no joke. I need these three months to swing by so I can get healthy for my baby. I know Malik is going to be so happy to be a new daddy again. We can finally raise a baby the right way with both parents. That bitch Dayna is going to be sick as fuck when she sees I gave him the one thing she refused to; a family. 

This Side…

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When I decided to write my story, I knew it would be nothing short of controversial. I knew that me telling my story meant that people would judge me, ridicule me and possibly hate me. I cared about those things , but to be honest, there was one thing more important than how others perceived me; revenge. I know, I know, a story about revenge just seems so cliche when it comes to love. It is. This story is absolutely cliche. I am totally the stupid girl who doesn’t let go of the guy who is clearly no good. The woman who loves him too much to leave. The woman who gets lost loving a man that belonged to someone else… all that bullshit that we always say wouldn’t be us, “Oh, that nigga wouldn’t do me like that. I would leave him so quick!” I was her too, now I’m writing this. So don’t judge me. Don’t judge the things I did, the choices I made or the actions I took to do what I needed for fulfillment. Or shall I say before you judge, put yourself in my shoes first…. 

So since I’m telling this story from a jail cell, I have all the time in the world to make sure I don’t leave out any details. You heard that right, live from a jail cell. The fucked up thing is, I don’t give a fuck. I knew the day I met Malik that he would either kill me or make me kill him. I think I told him that once because he we was fucking me so good. Damn he had some good ass dick. It’s no surprise so many of us were so fucking looney over this mothafucka. I don’t want to get off topic. Let me talk about one thing at a time. Malik is basically every woman’s dream and nightmare wrapped in one. I swear this nigga needs counseling, but let him tell it and the world is against him. When I met him, he seemed like a normal nigga trying to get over his stupid, thirsty ass ex. I don’t know why guys have babies with these bitches just because they‘re cute with pretty hair. Men gone fucking learn their lessons. He was so busy obsessed with this hoe that he didn’t realize she was draining his ass ! We all the same damn age and this bitch ain’t doing shit. I remember going to school every day and seeing this bitch walking to the liquor store across the street every day! Like bitch why the fuck aren’t you doing something productive at 11:30 am! Just a fucking bitch getting attention but not doing shit. Shallow ass bitch. Can you tell I’m a little upset ? Ok, I’ll admit, I have a little anger towards his ex, but man, this girl ruined a lot of possibilities for me. She was so weak with him and allowed him to control her life.


I remember him telling me he would call her bitches, hoes, tramps, all kind of shit and the bitch would allow it. They stayed together for seven years and he treated her like shit the whole time. This dumb bitch still took this nigga back. Talking some high power God shit when really she just pathetic as fuck and desperate to keep a nigga. Malik is the type of man who needs a woman with all her shit together. The type that has a good job, knows how to cook and clean and most important won’t take no shit from a him . That bitch wasn’t the one for him. Dayna‘s stupid ass was so obsessed with making the world good she let her man slip through her fingers. It’s really her fucking fault I shot him. She always tryna play on his heart and make him think too deep.  That‘s why her ass has to fall. Im so sick of this annoying ass bitch always getting her way. I’m tired of these beautiful ass girls thinking they have an advantage and don’t have to work for what they need! I work hard as fuck and I would have never made Malik feel like less of a man. I knew I deserved him more than her. If his ass would have never moved in with that girl, we would be together. He wanna play me just because I ain’t gone let no man control me? Her ass got him thinking every woman is supposed to just listen to him. She had his mind all twisted.


I did everything right, I went to school, I wasnt out here having kids and letting a nigga live with me, but he still chose her ass. How could he pick a bitch not getting her shit right over me? I had everything in order for us, And he still chose her. So no, I don’t feel bad about the role I played in this. So sit back and read every word to the story. Every story has three sides; his, hers and the truth. This is my side….

Love&War

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I hope you see this.

I hope you see the impact you had on us.

I hope you understand what your choices did to something you once cherished so much.

I’m sitting here in the same position as when you left.

Childish, I know, but you know I don’t care. You know my heart, my mind, my soul, and my thoughts. I’m sure you know me better than I know myself. That’s the type you

are. You like to pay attention so you can know how to use your pawns the right way. You were always so observant. You watched me struggle and pretended not to see so you would know what to use against me. I saw you Plotting and pretended to ignore. I allowed you to do those things. I watched you do it before without you knowing …

What ? Oh you thought you were the only one who could plot? You didn’t know that you attract what you are ? You didn’t know that you fell in love with me because I’m as sick as you?

Oh. Ok. Let me tell you though… I learned a lot from you. You taught me to observe , to pay attention, to hurt without being obvious. Let’s play the game exactly how you taught me. You didn’t think I paid attention ? Silly lover… I was teaching you the whole time. I’m just strong enough to take the pain. Are you ? Does your strength have boundaries? Limits? Or is it impenetrable and unshakable ? Does your courage come in all forms or only liquid ? Do you understand true war ? Are you ready? Let’s see….

This What God Feel Like.

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They say that how you spend the first hour after you wake up will set the tone for your entire day. I woke up this morning and had two choices: I could either dwell on what had been driving me insane for almost two months now, or I could read a scripture from the bible. Luckily, I made the choice to read my Bible and it told me exactly what I always knew, but for some reason didn’t realize. It made me realize how small my problems truly are. Although I am allowing them to consume my life and my heart, this scripture put so much ease to my soul. Today’s scripture was James 1:2. I decided to read the entire chapter to have a clear understanding of the context:

-Consider it pure joy, my brothers, and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

9 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. 10 But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth that we might be a kind of first fruits of all he created.

Listening and Doing

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

I was sure to include the entire chapter, because just like me, some of us may need this reminder. I find myself suffering and hurting and I turn to God and then allow the world to corrupt me immediately after. This is my apology to God. The instructions for what to do are clear as day in your word. All I have to do is be consistent with how I indulge. The same consistency I expect from God, I should be willing to reciprocate to him. I use the term I because I am truly in need of the word of God. Maybe everyone reading this knew something I didn’t know. That is a blessing. I have spent the past two months discombobulated and questioning God for what is happening. I know it isn’t God. God revealed to me long ago how Satan will disguise himself to attack me. I know Satan when I see him. God has done a great job of making that clear. I must now pray for the understanding and guidance to protect myself and my loved ones from wickedness in any and every form. Thank you, God for this word, these trials and this strength you blessed me with to persevere and praise you. I appreciate everything you have taken from me to humble my heart. I trust in you in all I do and I know you will never let me down. I apologize for ever doubting you.

The Drought

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I woke up this morning and I felt you inside of me. I could literally taste you. I miss you so fucking much. My body starts to drip when I reminisce about the way you made my blood boil. Just one touch from you would send a wave of pleasure through my system. When your breath is on my neck, I feel every sweet particle that flows from your mouth onto my flesh. Please put your lips on me. Baby, I need a towel because I’m already dripping. This is too much. These are just the kisses. Let me use my fingers and pretend they’re yours. I remember how you used to use one finger to trace an outline of my body. You didn’t miss an inch of me. I could feel your passion through your fingertip. Just one tip. Baby please, I need the tip at least. Can I taste the tip? Just for a second. I’m starving baby, feed me. 

So Damn Good.

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“It’s like you feel me, don’t you?  You know my pattern. You know when I’m craving it and you know when I have to have it. Why did I let you learn me like this? I don’t even know me this well. I feel my body shivering at the thought of you. I know I need you and you know it too. I can’t let myself down. I promised myself I wouldn’t fall into the trap. But the trap feels so damn good. I remember that thing you used to do and man…No. I have to stop. It’s a trap. I can’t allow my delusion to make me fantasize about the perfection that is your touch. But do you remember that thing you used to do? Remember how you used to hurt me so good?  My knees buckle when I think about it. Your touch makes me melt, your warmth makes me shiver and you… you make me weak. That’s what you do. Each time I get weaker, it feels so good, until you leave. Every time you leave, you take a piece of me. Maybe I’m so much more than you that you need it. Maybe you don’t want me to be whole. Why do you take pieces of me? Is it because I let you? You are the pain. I know I need to stop. This is why you haven’t heard from me. I have to protect myself from your wave. It’s too deep. But… you feel so … Damn. Good.  Help.”